If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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