How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
