Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
