Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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