Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize