i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
