WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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