how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
