obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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