she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
