In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
