Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
