Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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