The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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