um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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