I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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