I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
