Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i now understand why vodka
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
