I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
