Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
