You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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