bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
