I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
