I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
