I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
