drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
