At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
