Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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