just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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