Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
