My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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