My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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