you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
