Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
