So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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