these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
