Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
