You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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