I smell stomach acid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
