Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
