yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
