My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
