i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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