shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
