I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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