Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
