he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pray to the hookup gods
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
