Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
