I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
