Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
