i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
