Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
