Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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