Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
